Dream a little dream.......
Right before I began my yoga teaching journey my thoughtful cousin gave me a necklace with the quote from Henry Thoreau, "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams and live the life you've always imagined." I have cherished this necklace for years. I never once thought of researching Thoreau's quote, but instead allowed the words to guide me in the right direction. It worked. I found love, embraced life, gave birth to my first daughter, and then, my mother died..........
I won't bore you with how empty my daily life routine became when this wonderful, amazing, beautiful, kind, generous, perfect human being was snatched from our world . It was a struggle to find meaning in this life without Mom here to share it. I did not find comfort connecting with my siblings, family, friends, or others who had lost a loved one dear to them. How they dealt with their grief was of no interest to me. It was only my void that mattered and couldn't be filled. It was my loss that was devastated beyond repair.
Three years, another beautiful daughter later and I continued to search for inner peace. It has never gotten "easier" as so many attest. On my way home one day I listened to a podcast with Oprah and Rodger Kamenetz. Rodger was explaining how each one of our dreams at night is a gift, and our soul speaking to us to guide us along. I opened myself up to recording my dreams and exploring how they might help me.
A few days later I had a soul opening dream. I was in a third floor apartment looking out the window with men, women, and children being herding out and told to lie face down on the floor. I frantically looked around and screamed "we must get out of here, they are going to blow us all up!" Out the window I heard a voice over a load speaker telling everyone on the floor to take out their cell phones and call their mothers because it was the last thing they were going to do. I looked over and there she was. My beautiful mother. I said, "I love you mom. I am going to miss you."
I woke up and cried. I told my husband, daughters, and siblings and cried some more. This is what I have been missing. I didn't get to say goodbye to her. I pretended she wasn't sick. Her last days I should have been loving, caring, and telling her how wonderful she was. Saying goodbye to her. I don't miss her any less than I did a week ago, but that dream helped me. It helped me tell her something I have been longing to express to her and myself.
Needless to say, a whole dream world has presented itself. I look forward to the next gift my dreams will bestow upon nighttime reveries.I have also looked up the Thoreau quote and oh what a different meaning it has now.
"…. I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
“He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings.
“In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. ” - Henry Thoreau
I won't bore you with how empty my daily life routine became when this wonderful, amazing, beautiful, kind, generous, perfect human being was snatched from our world . It was a struggle to find meaning in this life without Mom here to share it. I did not find comfort connecting with my siblings, family, friends, or others who had lost a loved one dear to them. How they dealt with their grief was of no interest to me. It was only my void that mattered and couldn't be filled. It was my loss that was devastated beyond repair.
Three years, another beautiful daughter later and I continued to search for inner peace. It has never gotten "easier" as so many attest. On my way home one day I listened to a podcast with Oprah and Rodger Kamenetz. Rodger was explaining how each one of our dreams at night is a gift, and our soul speaking to us to guide us along. I opened myself up to recording my dreams and exploring how they might help me.
A few days later I had a soul opening dream. I was in a third floor apartment looking out the window with men, women, and children being herding out and told to lie face down on the floor. I frantically looked around and screamed "we must get out of here, they are going to blow us all up!" Out the window I heard a voice over a load speaker telling everyone on the floor to take out their cell phones and call their mothers because it was the last thing they were going to do. I looked over and there she was. My beautiful mother. I said, "I love you mom. I am going to miss you."
I woke up and cried. I told my husband, daughters, and siblings and cried some more. This is what I have been missing. I didn't get to say goodbye to her. I pretended she wasn't sick. Her last days I should have been loving, caring, and telling her how wonderful she was. Saying goodbye to her. I don't miss her any less than I did a week ago, but that dream helped me. It helped me tell her something I have been longing to express to her and myself.
Needless to say, a whole dream world has presented itself. I look forward to the next gift my dreams will bestow upon nighttime reveries.I have also looked up the Thoreau quote and oh what a different meaning it has now.
"…. I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
“He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings.
“In proportion as he simplifies his life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty poverty, nor weakness weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. ” - Henry Thoreau
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